“I’ll Be Happy When…” — The Lie We Keep Believing | Sukkos 5787

The Trap Of Conditional Happiness

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How many of us are one thing away from being happy? And have been this way, waiting for that one thing to come for almost 20 years now. If business picked up, we say, if the kids listened, if the tuition bills were smaller, or if the gabai remembered and recognized me and maybe gave me an aliyah every couple weeks, then I'd be happy. My brother-in-law bought a beautiful big house, Bar Hashem, but did he have to show it to my wife? And now she's hacking me that she wants a new house. We laugh at a list like this. A nicer house, a nicer income, a lower golf handicap, a little appreciation from the Gabi. But we all have kind of our own list. Something that we're waiting for. Sometimes it's as simple as can't wait for Sunday to watch the game. Or my rabbi to spiritually ignite my fires. But listen to what we're saying. No matter which substance it is that we crave to bring us happiness, essentially what we're saying is that I'm ready to be happy. I'm just waiting for somebody else to do their part and pour it upon me. At five years old, what was making us happy was candy, but the candy has now become a bit more expensive and may come in the form of a four-bedroom, two-bathroom, bi-level in Pine Lake Park? Or a Genesis G90. We keep changing what it is that will maybe bring us Simcha. Bring us happiness. But you have to ask yourself, how much longer are you going to keep waiting?

Joy As A Spiritual Requirement

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The Torah declares unequivocally, unambiguously. Ivdu es Hashem Bsimcha Baulifana of Birnana. Serve Hashem with happiness. Come before him with song. Tehilim one hundred two. Sukis itself is Zeman Simcha Seinu, the season of our joy, of our happiness. Three times does the Torah emphasize Simcha. Usimhachtem lifneashemalo Keham Shivas Yamim. That's talking about Sukis. Visamahta Bihagekhaycra twenty three forty. Be happy, rejoice on your festival, and viho is mecharim sixteen fifteen. You should go far enough that you should only be joyful. See the Rambam when he concludes his laws of Lulav and Sukkah. He gives us a synopsis about how impactful and important and integral Simcha is to the Asias Hamitsvos, Avaida Gedoilahi. So it's at a time like this that the talk and the week's podcast is about Simcha. Because too many of us are waiting for it.

Joy Is A Trainable Trait

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And they have failed to comprehend that it is in their own power and own capacities and faculties to make themselves happy. The answer, the answer to your simcha is that it is a midah like every other mida. We work on patience, we work on humility, we work on generosity, and you can also work on your happiness because simcha is a mida. It involves what you choose to notice, what you choose to focus on, how you interpret your circumstances, and whether or not you actually see the whole picture. But happiness, simcha this yantif, and henceforth is a choice and it is in your hands. Reverse, when he defines simcha, talks about the joy in the Avaidas Hashem and the steady flowering in spiritual and moral growth and the deeper sense of joy, how how real joy is not a cheap thrill, but a deep sense of contentment and appreciation. But without having to define what simcha really is, I think you know what it is. And I think you know what it is when you feel it. And you're to feel it and serve Hashem with it. And the way to do that is to choose to be happy.

Holding Joy Alongside Grief

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Now, you'll ask. You're to be happy? What about in times of sadness? Always happy? What about when someone's passed away? God forbid, Rahman al Utzlan. And you're on the way to the Lavaya. Is there room for happiness there? It's a sad time. Daddy's crying as he's driving us to the Lavaya. Where's Simcha there? But consider the words of the wayfarer's prayer as the dad begins to drive the car to the Lafayette. The sagi Ainu Lemichos Khabsenu bring us to our destination. Lachayim for life. And for joy and for peace. We're praying for happiness as we're driving to a lavaya. You see, life is full of contradictions.

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And the good need not be erased by the pain.

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Life holds pain and bracha, happiness and tough times all at the same time. We can mourn and we can feel the loss deeply, and alongside of that pain, you could still appreciate the good things and the people that you have and the kindness you receive. Simcha doesn't mean to just pretend that nothing hurts, it means recognizing the brachos that remain even through the tears. An

The Dot On The Canvas

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example that he did with his class to teach this lesson. Where the teacher standing at the front of the classroom held up a big white canvas with one tiny blue dot. And he asked the children, What do you see? A blue dot, they all answered. He said, That's interesting. Almost 99.9% of the canvas is white, but all that you see is the one blue dot. Now, folks, how often do we do the same thing? Focus so closely with such pinpoint accuracy on what is wrong that we stop noticing all that's right. You can receive a beautiful gift. The most dazzling Lamborghini. But let's say a Lamborghini as a toy truck that was given to you, a toy car Lamborghini. And when you receive it, you can be overwhelmed with merriment and excitement, but then notice hey, there's no batteries in this car. And get upset that there's no batteries. See, there's always something to get upset about, and there's always something to look at and notice and feel simcha about. You could be happy that you're alive, even if you are stricken with many, God forbid, terrible things.

Anger Control And Choosing Actions

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A customer once stormed into an electronics store with a broken item, demanding his money back. For 15 minutes, he yelled, he shouted, he insulted the owner and made quite the scene. The owner of the electronics store said, I apologize. You can take up this issue with the manufacturers. Because this seems to be a defect in the product. Here's their phone number. Here's their email. But the client, the customer continued to berate the salesman, yelling at him, How can you do this? Take it back, it's all your fault. And eventually the customer stormed out irate with his broken telescope. After that customer left, another shopper came over to the store owner and said, How'd you take that? How did you keep your cool that entire time? The owner replied, I have a very serious heart condition. And getting worked up, being bekas could cost me my life. And I kept asking myself, is joining this argument and getting heated worth dying over? You see, your Simcha, your Cass. And you can work on them. And you can't always choose your first feeling, but you can always choose your next action. And where you direct your attention to. What you focus on. But what

Finding Joy During Hard Trials

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about when things really don't go your way? Can you be happy? When you feel that the nacionos are really intense? Things are really bad? God forbid. When things really aren't going my way, yes. You can still find Simha. Because things are always not going to go your way. Punktfa kert. If you have no nesionos in your life, if you have no challenges in your life, the Gemar says that you have to be afraid that maybe God has given up on you. He rebukes those that he loves. He wants to give them nesionos to be able to manifest their kochos and to raise their banner of Torah and Jewish greatness. But if you don't get any more nisionos, you have to be afraid that God has given up on you. Kind of like the little kid who sits on his beach chair in his backyard. He's 10 years old, and his parents tell him, you don't need to go to school. You can just stay home all day and play on your little device. You don't need to eat healthy vegetables. You can eat Oreos and Pringles and bugles and honey buns and other unhealthy things all day. Do what you want. Eat candy. Stay in your pajamas and play on your little device. You know what that is? When a parent acts that way to a child, it's a form of abuse. It's called neglect. A child may feel hurt when a parent says no, but when you grow up, you understand that's the one who cares. And we too do not always understand why Hashem is doing what he is doing. But if you have challenging, real pain in your life, Rahmanulatan, you should be saved from it. But it's still because God wants something from you. Even amid challenges, you are cared for by your loving Father in heaven, and those difficulties need not prevent you from continuing to develop your Mida of Simcha, of happiness.

The Snake’s Dust And Disconnection

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We're about to read Parsha Asperatus. And in Parsha Asperatius, Hashem curses the Nachash. The snake after he gives food to Adam and consequently to Chava. Udum gets cursed that he now needs to go and become a realtor. Chava gets cursed that she now needs to have tons of pain in childbearing, and she has to become subordinate to her husband. Crave him and the snake? His curse? You shall eat dust all the days of your life. The Rishinim, the Achrinim they want to know. Constant food? Easy. Parnasa. Easy food. The grocery store is everywhere for the snake. What kind of curse is that? Dust is what the snake eats, and dust is everywhere. Wherever the snake goes, his next meal is literally waiting for him. How is that a klola? The great Ribsimcha Bunam of Peshitha explains the curse. That is precisely the abundance and the easy, accessible nature of the food and the dust to the snake that is the curse. Because other creatures have needs that cause them to turn to Hashem. Please, Hashem, I need you now. But the snake? His food is already available. He has no reason to turn to his creator. His sustenance is assured. But at what cost? The cost of the connection to the Bairiam. The snake's lifetime of food may be helpful, but he has lost something far more precious. When we face a difficulty that brings us to Davin to ask to reach out to Hashem, we should remember that needing our Father in heaven is no disgrace, and that is the ultimate bracha, the ultimate connection. Sometimes the very thing we wish would disappear is actually the thing that brings us right back to our Father in heaven. So yeah. If you have really hardcore nacionos, that means that you're not neglected like the kid on his device. And you're not neglected like the snake who is eating a five-course meal of dust. What about when the nacionos get even worse? What about in the worst possible scenario? Let me pull on your emotional chords here for a moment and tell you the story about Natan

Sharansky And Inner Freedom

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Sharansky. You've heard of him. A young Jewish computer scientist. Computer specialist. Living in the Soviet Union in the 1970s. He wanted to move to Eratiserl from the Soviet Union, but the government refused to let him leave. He became what was called and known throughout the world as a refusnik, a Jew who's denied permission to emigrate to Eratisrul. And this refusnik, Mr. Sharansky, began speaking up for others in the same position. And in 1974, he married a nice girl named Avital. And the very next day, she left for Eretisral right before her visa expired. And Mr. Sharansky was to go the next day after her and meet her there. But Natan would not see his wife Avital for the next 12 years. Because in 1977, the KGB arrested him. They falsely accused him of spying for the United States. He was sentenced to 13 years in prison where he sat in solitary confinement, endured interrogations, forced labor, hunger strikes, forced feedings, terrible forms of torture. All while Avital was trying to appeal to world leaders and try to earn her husband's redemption. There's a book about this. And how in solitary confinement Sharansky played chess games in his head. That kind of sounds like a form of torture to me as well. The book, his memoir, is called Fear No Evil. Coming from the words of Lo-Ira Ra. As in Lo Ira Ra Kyato Imodi. But then finally, on February 11th, the story has a happy ending. In 1986, after nearly nine years in captivity, Natan Sharansky was released. And at the bridge where the prisoner exchange was to take place, he was told, Sharansky, walk straight. That was the Soviet Union guard telling him as they were passing Sharansky back to Israel. And Sharansky deliberately walked in a zigzag. His final act of defiance. They had controlled his movements for years, and he was now asserting his freedom. But people were afraid. We've been waiting for this fellow to come home, and he's been stuck being tortured for nine years. What could he look like?

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Alone, battered, bruised, deranged, broken, was what everyone had expected from him.

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But when he finally was reunited with Avital, and the cameras were on Sharansky for his first movement, first words after he arrived home after almost twelve years, he looks at his wife Avital and he says, Sorry I'm late. He was making jokes.

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He was laughing. How was he unaffected?

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NBC, Fox, CNN, they want to know how Sheva, how did Yeshiva World News? How did you remain someone who keeps his normalcy, his humor? He seems unaffected by all of the pain and torment that the Soviet Union evil and ferocious guards inflicted upon him. You know what he said? He said it himself in his memoir. He said it on television as well. He said, they can control my body, but they cannot control my mind. In my head, I am a free man, and there is nothing that they can do to reach me there. You see, my friends, Simcha is a Mida. It's your choice. You get to decide if you want to be happy. You get to decide if this is going to be a Zaman Simcha Seinu. You get to decide if you are going to look at the positives in your life or the negatives in your life. You get to decide whether or not you are going to be happy.

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I reckon you should choose the happy side.

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Because you are so blessed. There are 8.32

Gratitude For Identity And Purpose

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billion people in the world, but God chose only a handful of Jewish people. Stop for a moment and think. Think about this. Think about how I'm alive. That should make you Bisimcha. I'm a Jew. Every morning you make a bra thanking Hashem for that privilege. He's given you a special mission. You're a part of Kalali Israel. You have your own part. You have your own job. You have something that Rashmul Kamanetsky can't bring to the world, only you. So you should be bubbling up with Simcha when you look inside of your sitter and say, Baruch Hato Hashem, Lokenu, Melakha, Olam, Asher Bokar Bonu, Mikolo Amim, Minasan Lonues Tai Rosai, Barcha To Hashem, Nay Sainatara. He chose you.

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You're one in eight billion. As a realtor, I get to see people that aren't Jewish.

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I get to see sellers. That's what you're looking for. A seller is somebody who wants to make a large transaction in their life and move on from a piece of real estate that they own. And almost always it's by force. And almost always they're a client and you're trying to run after them. It's because they need to sell for some reason. Either there's been a death or a tragedy or divorce. But I get to meet these people, and it's so sad. The average Gentile real estate seller is so lonely. Is so alone. Nothing to call his own. Nothing to work on. No progress to make. They don't feel a part of anything. Nobody even, for many of these people, is looking for them. And they're not looking for anything. Folks, it's man Simcha Seinu. Simcha is a Mida. It is a character trait that

Small Daily Practices To Build Joy

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we can work on. We don't choose everything that happens to us. And we can't always control how we feel. But we can choose what we focus on, how we respond to it, and what kind of person we can become. We can work on jealousy. We can work on keeping our temper cooled, and we can work on our simcha. We could start small and think about the good in your life. We could name it. Just remember that Hashem is with you, and nothing happens to you that doesn't have a really, really important meaning. This such.