Parshas Behar & Bechukosai: This One Skill Can Save Your Marriage, Friendships, and Avodas Hashem

Finishing Vayikra And This Week’s Themes

With the conclusion of Safer Vycra this week, we get stronger. We all stand up and together exclaim Chazak, Chazak, Venis Chazak. We can't believe it. Safer Vyikra is over. It just began. But so as time continues to tick on, we find ourselves in Parshas Bahar Bihu Kosai, the double Parsha that puts the finishing touches on Safer Vyikra. With much to discuss this week. Parsha's Bahar Bihu Kosai brings to us the laws of Shemitah, the laws of Yovel, couple other important charity and business halakhos that one needs to know in Parshas Bihar. And then the second Parsha, Parshas Bihu Kosai, sandwiched in with Parshas Bihar, brings with it all of the blessings and God forbid, curses that should befall somebody based on their life's decisions and the ways that one chooses to live his life. Not to be forgotten, the fascinating sugya that is slipped in at the very end of Sefer Vayekra, the laws of evaluations, finding a human's value, what we call Erichen. Before Saver Vayekra concludes, this week, I want to take a broad approach on a theme in the Parsha by revealing a Yesoid, a foundational yesoid, from one of the greatest Roshi Yeshivos to have ever lived. And it was something that I heard maybe three weeks ago, but I put it down in pen in my Motivation Congregation weekly Parsha podcast yellow notepad notes because I knew that I was waiting for the opportunity to bring it out. And this week, multiple occurrences brought to mind this Yesoid, so it felt like it's the right time to share it. The Yasoid comes from Ravnaftoli Tsvi Yehuda Berlin, the great Valojina Rashyashiva, the one that we simply refer to as the Nitsiv. The Nitsiv wrote a safer on Chemish among his many scholarly and talmudic and responsa-like Sephorim. And his approach is unique. But instead of discussing the Nitsiv's approach, I'd like to jump into what the Natsiv actually says on two psukim throughout Torah. And then apply it to the opening words of the second parsha of this week's double parsha. To kick things off, I want to start by saying the second parsha's first pasuk Im Bihukosai Te Lehu The S Mitzvosai Tishmaru the Asisem Osam. If you will go in my laws and in my commandments, you will protect them and do them. Life will be beautiful if you follow Hashem's commandments. It's that simple, folks. Your conscience that will gnaw at you when you aren't following Hashem's commandments, and that inner longing for more, well, it will become quelled when you are Bihukosai Telehu and Mitzvosai Tishmaru and Asisemosam. Sometimes we overcomplicate it. Very often, when we come back to the basics and understand that the God that gave us life knew what he was doing, when he gave us a soul and made a plan for us and gave us the directions of how to use this life, everything falls back into place when you remind yourself that. But what if I told you? What if I asked you? A brazen question. But there's more. I'll prove it to you. When somebody, let's say your friend, your parent, your spouse, your coach tells you something. There is the information that he's telling you, let's say the Tarisha Birsav, that hey, can you pick up bananas from the grocery store for me? And then there's the tradition. The way that you know your spouse wants you to pick up bananas. They don't want you to drive to Whole Foods in Manhattan to spend$10 on bananas. They probably want you based on the fine tuning and the tradition and the understanding and the relationship that you have with the person that we want the normal bananas. The Chaquita bananas from Evergreen or from Trader Joe's. And that's kind of the relationship between the Tarashebersav and the Tereshe Balp. But there's even more in the banana discussion as well. There's the way that the person told it to you. There's the tone, the pitch, the tenor, the face, the mood. The gesticulating. You could say, hey, just get the bananas. You could say, please, will you get the bananas? You could say it would be wonderful if you would pick up some bananas. There's different ways that you can say it. Pick up bananas. Or you could say, pick up bananas? You could say. It would be wonderful and amazing if you could pick up the bananas, or just pick up the bananas and bring them home, will you? See? That's the subtext. That's the feeling. That's the mood that's baked into the way that you convey information. The word they use for this is attunement, is subtext, is the deep listening, is the grak. Interesting word, grak, which means deep listening in the way that they said something. And if this is so in our finite world of conversation, can't you imagine that it's certainly true? When the boyre ilum, the all-encompassing, omnipotent, omnipotent, omnipresent one, also has some meaning and tenor and depth in the way that he says something, when he conveys the information to us in the Torah, so that we should hear the Torah Shabbsab, the Torah Sheba Alpeh, and even the way it was said, the intention of it, and the subtext of what Hashem really means to convey to you, in the way that he means to convey it to you. This is exactly what the Nitziv points out. This is a way one needs to learn Torah. The Pasek in Devarim says, Return, repent, return to the eternal God. And listen to Hashem's voice. Listen to Hashem's voice. And again, the Natsiv references the same Yesid. It's actually previously mentioned back in Safer Boracius. Who is listening to who? And who is Shema'a Bekhailing to who? It's a disagreement between Avraham and Sarah about the slave woman and her son Hagar and her son Yeshimael that are having a bad impact. They're putting a bad impression and bringing down the sanctity of Yitzhak, of Sarah's son. And Avramavinu's wife said, send this boy out, get rid of him. But Hashem said, listen to your wife. Don't look, don't be distressed over the boy or your slave. Whatever Sara tells you, Shema Bikhaila. Listen to her voice. Shema Bikhaila. The Nitsiv picks up that in this situation and in the situation in Devarim, when we're listening to the words of Hashem, it says, listening, the Shematah Bikolo and Shem'a Bikhaila. Listen to this Nitsiv. Listen to how he learns with precision each letter in the Torah. Shema'a Bekola. In regards to Avra'am and Sarah, Lo'amar Shema Likola. It should have said, and it didn't say, listen to her voice. That's what you do. When people talk, you listen to their voice. Shema'ashmoi Shiyasekidvarah Keloshana Mikerla. What does it mean to listen in the voice? Be precise. Think and contemplate her words. Listen in her voice. Similarly, as in itsiv references, he explains a similar point in Dvarim. Elamikan Biniyan Ab. We learn that you should listen Vishemath Bikoiloi, listen to Hashem's voice. This teaches it's a binyin av that pushes it out to be applied to all over Tanakh. Anytime it says listen in the voice, hakavana ledak date bidvarov. Be particular. Learn in. Have pshat, remes, drush, and soid. Listen to the depth of what they're actually trying to teach you. And it siv uses this to say that you shouldn't just learn in a very superficial level, but you should learn Bad Katalmud, Upilpala Mevila Haira. But the point that I want to convey and bring in a slight triad type of three-pronged approach is that when people talk in conversation, whether it be a conversation with your spouse in marriage, your children in chinoch, or you and the Bairay Aylam through Tfilah and Tirah, you always need to have Shem'a Bikola in effect. Otherwise, you'll mess up. If you just simply listen to Hashem in a very literal and precise way as a robotic android, then you're gonna miss the boat. And you're not Shema'a Bikila, you're just Shema'a likolah, then you're gonna screw up and miss the boat. The first place that this is very practical is when you talk to your wife, or your wife should talk to the husband. Men and women speak different languages. When a woman says she has a hard day, she doesn't want you to fix her day. When she's crying because the supper burnt, she doesn't want you. At least this is the way Rabbi Reisman explained this Yesoid and explained the idiosyncrasies of women. She doesn't want you to leap up and say, Don't worry, I'll cook a dinner for us now. She doesn't want your Aitsas. She wants you to listen to what she's saying and say, Wow, that could be painful. I hear you, I wish it didn't happen. I hear your pain, I acknowledge it. Shema'a big Kaila. When a man says something, you could express yourself by saying, let's just do it your way. Or you could say, in this situation, I think your way is very smart. Let's just take your approach. You can elaborate, you could say it with the proper tone. But here we're talking about specifically in the listening aspect. Listening, putting yourself in their shoes. Humans are complex, very complex. Think about the soul mixed with the body, that type of chalant that's going on. And the body remembers, the body feels, the soul remembers, the soul feels, there's a tremendous chalant pot brewing inside each person. So when we contemplate steiging, growing, falling, loving, cherishing, hating, one needs to remember that we're very complex creatures and things take time. And when someone's articulating themselves, specifically, we're talking about a spouse. You need to put yourself in their shoes. You need to think deeper. You need to be Shema'a Bekhila. Why would my wife say something like that? Why would my husband say something like that? That's weird. There must be something more. People are complex. Don't just disregard it. When it comes to children and chinoch. But Riceman explained how a mother came to him and said, My son, he loves Torah. He loves to learn. And specifically Khmish, he loves to learn. Gemara, the Talmud, the Aramaic. He doesn't do well at it. He doesn't learn it. That's weird. The kid loves to learn. The kid knows Gemara is important. What's really going on here? We don't and he didn't disregard and just take for granted what the mother had said, but thought deeply about it. People are complex. What's going on here? And most likely what's happening is if you're Shema bikila, you'll recognize that people and children specifically like to do things that they are good at. And what Rabbi Reichsman found was that the child was wonderful at learning Hebrew, speaking Hebrew, understanding the Psukim, understanding the Rashi, but the Aramaic text, the back and forth of the Gemara, was a struggle for him. He didn't have a good grasp on the Aramaic language, didn't understand the catchphrases that Abadie and Rava use. So people don't like to apply themselves on things that they're not good at. So if you're Shema, not lit kola, but to bit cola of the child, you'll realize that what the kid is saying is that I'm not doing well in my learning. That's why I'm not learning. I'm good at Khamish. So I love it. But I don't like to apply myself on areas that I'm not successful. So the answer is not to disregard the Torah learning, to throw in the towel, but to then build ourselves up and hmm, why am I not good at Gemura learning? Do I not have a good head? Well, I do have a good head when it comes to topics that I'm successful at, so that's not the problem. The problem could be as very, as very bland and petty as just not knowing enough Aramaic words. Do you hear this, folks? The difference between a child's success in his Torah study and not is just maybe not knowing enough vocab translation of Aramaic words. And a bit of vocab study, some flashcards, could turn this kid into a Talmudchachan Muakuk. Because now he can play the game of Torah. He now speaks a bit of Aramaic. But that would come only with a Rebbe or a parent's Shema Bikhaila. To the mood and to the depth and the complexities and subtext, only through deep listening of Shema'a Bekhoyla can you assess the situation, give proper advice, and then plan a path forward. When it comes to your Avoidas Hashem, the Netziv says, the Boy Re Ilam wants you, Shema'a Bekhoila. He wants you to listen to what Hashem truly wants. And when you think about Parsha's Bahar Beku Kosai, turn your mind on and think, what does Hashem really want when he talks about Shemitah and Yvel? Why would he want all businesses to return debts every seven years? Why would he want everyone to go back into freedom every 50 years? Why would he want life to start over and refresh itself? When you start to think about the soid of mitzvos, when you start to listen to big koila of Hashem, then the mitzvos start to penetrate your heart and you start to hear the wisdom and chachmah of the Baira speaking to you. Because you're not taking literal meanings as your yiddish guide, but you're listening deeply with a grak, with an attunement, with a subtext, deep listening type of mentality, with a bikila. All of a sudden, the suggits of Shemitah and Yujel and Erichen, don't you think the when the taira describes the values of a person, the suggas of Erichin, when you should make a promise to bring a carbon based on the value of a person, all of a sudden the bikila hat on your head makes you think a lot deeply and more profoundly about the suya of Arichen? Everything starts to talk back to you. You start to listen to the meanings and mood and what Hashem wants to convey to you. When you get to Parsha's bikosai, this is what the entire weekly Parsha podcast is supposed to be building towards. It's this. It's because when Hashem says in bihukhaisai te lehu, listen with your bikhaila ear. What does Hashem really want? Does he want you to just do the actions and then get the reward and then die after 120 years? Or does he want you to use this to make a relationship with him, to love him, to connect with him, to see that Hashem's your dad and he wants to give you good things. Hashem wants to give you the best life. He wants to reward you. He wants you to work hard. He wants you to give up. He wants you to persevere. He wants you to be mevatar. He wants you to have self-control and discipline. He wants you to have all these things, but you need to put your Sheman Bhikkhoila hat on. To listen, Bhikoil Hakavana, Ledak Bidvarov, Shemata Bhikkoila. That's what Hashem wants. He wants you to feel what he wants from you in a way that you start to hop. Not literally, but you hop deeply. You hop the relationship. Even deeper than Pshat. Deeper than Remez. Deeper than Soid. Hashem wants you Shema Bekhaila. Listen in. Listen into what the person's saying. Listen into what your child's saying. Understand them. Get them. See it from their eyes. Bekhailah. And all the more so, Kol Shakane. When it comes to your holy father in heaven. What does he want from you? Why did he give you a soul? Why does he command you to do these things? Think deeply. Relate to them. See that he wants you to dedicate your life to him and he wants to reward you. Shema Bekilah. It makes life so much more deep, so much more complex, so much more beautiful, so much more fun. Makes business that much better. I tried this, it's what came up in my head this week. Shema Bekhala, an ex-general, smart politician and judge in Lakewood and Jackson. An 83-year-old man is selling three parcels of land and he's brutally overcharging. And I tried to use some Shema Bekila when I met with the man. What's going on here? He's a smart guy. He's a judge and a general. He's accomplished a lot in life. What's going on? Why is he brutally overcharging for this? He wants to sell, he wants to move on. But what I understood after our conversation, the the Shema Bekala was that the man was just attached to this parcel because it was all he had left in life. It was his social life. It was his job to cut the grass. His tenants were his friends. The$5 million price tag that he put on it, it was overcharging because he hadn't come yet to terms with that. It's time to sell and I gotta move on. When you start to have Shema Bicola type of listening skills, your spouse thinks more of you. You connect more with her or him. Your children start to stag more because you understand them and you can help them that much better. And your service to the Boire Ilam, it actually becomes meaningful and deep. And you know, a cherry on top, you start to sell real estate a bit better if you're Shema Bikola. Because you actually start to discern people's problems so that you can help them. You can serve them and get paid a bit. Shema Bikila is the answer. So how does Parsha's Bahar bikhu kosai teach us a skill that can save your marriage, your friendships, and your avoidas Hashem? It's by not listening to the voice. But listening, as the Natsiv says, we need to pick up on the post Shem'a Bikhila. Shema'a Bikila. With Kavana, with diktuk, in the voice, with precision and contemplation. When that's how you listen, that's how you are a Zoha to have happy, healthy marriages, friendships, and serve Hashem in a way that you really connect. And then Hashem pours buckets of bracha on you, and everything is bliss and glorious because you love serving Hashem, you love the relationship, and you also enjoy the plentiful and boundless bracha that Hashem sends your way.