Parshas Acharei Mos/Kedoshim: How to Build Real Discipline in a Culture Obsessed with Pride

Welcome And Parsha Setup

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This is the weekly Parsha podcast. Welcome to the episode titled Parsha's Acharimos Kedoshim. How to build real discipline in a culture that's obsessed with pride. Before we jump into this week's episode and this week's topic, you should familiarize yourself with the week's Torah portion. Pashas Ahare Mos discusses the ceremony of the Yom Kippur Avoda, the scapegoat the Azozel, the intensity and importance, one that we maybe take for granted or definitely take for granted, about the hallowed nature, the otherworldly nature of Yom Kippur.

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It talks about blood and not eating it.

A Foundational Hashkafa For Today

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Which means to always bring your offering to the base hamidush. There needs to be a centralized exclusive place to serve Hashem. No backyard bummas. You gotta show up at Shoal. Go to the main hangout. Pastor Zaharemos then goes and gives us the holiness code. A comprehensive list of forbidden relationships, incest, adultery, immoral practices. Israelites, Jews, remember that you're Jews and don't copy the depraved behaviors of the Egyptians or Canaanites that you have seen. You're Jewish, be better. Uges us to be holy. Be holy. It tells of the Ben Adama Chavero, the famous and very demanding mitzvah to have proper moral excellence in everyday life to the point that you'll even love your neighbor as yourself. See there on ban on the puzzle to see what it actually means and what's possible. We hear about honest business dealings, leket, shikcha, and pea. Not bearing a grudge. Don't do idolatry, witchcraft. Don't etch your skin with black ink, and for all eternity be stuck with a tattoo on your body. The laws of Arla, shotness, penalties, severe spiritual and physical penalties for more forbidden actions. All of this Aharemos Kadoshim asks of the Jewish person to be different. To be spiritually charged. I'd like this week on the weekly Parsha podcast to transition from this summary of the Parsha to a Yesoid. A foundational Torah Hashkafic idea that is particularly relevant to the complex time period that we currently live in. It has far reaching spiritual ramifications, and there's no need to elaborate, and there's no time like the present. Parshas acharemos Perek Yurchas Posikhbais The S Zahar Lo Tishkav Mishkave Isha Twe a commandment from the Almighty, from his holy Torah. Do not lie with a male as one would lie with a woman. It is an abhorrence, an open posuk, part of the holiness code of forbidden relationships. There needs to be two genders in a marriage and in a relationship. It cannot be man and man. Strictly forbidden. This is kind of a posluck that's in an elaborate sequence, rather a list of different forbidden relationships. The next postuk says, Ubekol Behemalo Citain Shechov to Khadama above, Ishalo Tamadlifne Behemal Tevelhu. Don't have a carnal relationship with any beast or defile yourself thereby. It can't be just man and beast or man and man. There's a way in which a Jew should carry himself, even in the most intimate and private actions. It's important to know that the Torah was not given to socially off weird people. It's important to know that the Torah was given to 600,000 Jewish men, to a group of normal men and a millions and millions of a Jewish nation that had brains and beating hearts. And the commandments are there to be binding, to be a manifestation of God's will, and then no matter if they should go in style or out of style, seem barbaric, or some hindrance to the normal American way, doesn't matter. They're godly. They're from a different world. Whether we understand them or we don't. That was part of the incredible experience that we witnessed the other world. We saw Hashem and we got the clarity.

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And that's what we live with. So is it hard at times to keep kosher?

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Maybe. Does it seem barbaric to slice a baby who's eight days old and do a brismila? Does it seem like it's inhumane? It doesn't matter. Things become humane and inhumane, fashionable or unfashionable rather quickly. But the times, how they change every decade, a new fad, Judaism doesn't change based on fads. It is, was, and always will be.

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And that's very grounding. It's very clarifying.

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The Ramban actually gives us the reason behind this prohibition that I want to speak about for the next 15 minutes or so. What's behind that a man should not lie carnally with a man because it's abhorrent? The Ramban explains. Because the prohibition against lying carnally with a male or an animal is well known as an abominable act because it's not for the preservation of the human species. There will be no procreation. The action will not beget offspring. Seems the Rambana's learning it very push it straightforward. That this action, the intimacy of a person should be for a greater cause, for the procreation and furthering of the human species. That's impossible when they are the same gender. That's impossible if one of the species in the intimate action is an animal. Now, the problems of forbidden relationships, Auraios, as it's known in the Torah, are as old as time. People straying from the ways of normal cohabiting normal relationships, only engaging in what is permitted. It's been a struggle for humanity since the beginning of time. The snake. The Nachash was already messing things up between Adam and Java with a forbidden relationship. Noah was not totally exempt from Hashem's strict judgment of the righteous. When he had an episode after he left the Ark, the Teva, after too much wine consumption, something happened that wasn't proper when it comes to intimacy. Throughout the Torah, we find instances of inappropriate relationships, even among the righteous.

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The Torah doesn't hide it.

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How about Amalek, who actually would force the sinister nation and the sworn Jewish enemy Amalek would force Mishkov Zakhar, man with man relationships upon the Jews in an effort to strip them of their holiness, force them to become lowly and rotten. There were times that Jewish people were tricked into cohabiting. There were times that thousands were tricked into idolatry and relationships with the Moabites. This handful of situations is to show that these occurrences, they're persistent, and the challenges of inappropriate relationships is nothing new. It's human and it's a part of your DNA. It's a part of the challenge and the job that you've been given.

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But something has since changed. On the soles of the soils of the American shore, something has changed drastically.

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In America, over the last decade, it's become popular to not just involve oneself in an inappropriate relationship, but something different's going on.

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Something far worse.

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In our time period, we're seeing what they call public advocacy for gross behaviors. These behaviors, man and man relationships and the like, are now not frowned upon or hidden, but they're championed as social movements. People take pride, even hold their rainbow flag up high and take pride and call themselves part of the pride movement.

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That's what they call it. They have guys about it. That's what pride means.

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A global civil rights and social movement advocating for the rights, equality, and dignity and visibility of people who engage in not so normal and not permitted actions in the eyes of Hashem. At its core, the movement strides to promote self-affirmation, dignity, and equality to cut out the shame and the social stigma that's involved in this perverse behavior. I hope that you're not too aware of what I'm talking about. I hope you have no connection to how the pride movement started, taking a sense of self-worth and validation and sinful practices. I hope you have no idea about the Stonewall riots of 1969, in which the Stonewall Inn, which had a bunch of people engaged in unsavorly, unsavory and forbidden actions that all joined together to fight back and since by creation of a flag and with parades and marches, they champion such behaviors. They encourage people to quote live authentically and to openly come out, to come out of the closet to normalize in society and in media, to take pride and normalize sinful behavior. They mark June as a month to celebrate the guy, the haughtiness, and the self-respect that they deserve.

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And something that is forbidden. Is it one of the seven Noahide laws that they must keep? But folks, there is something that is worse than a sin.

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There's something that is more grave and more condemning, more destructive than an action that's a sin that preaches defiance of God. And do you know what that is?

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It's when you celebrate that sin. Listen to this posak and this separno.

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Parshas kisisa, Paraklamid Bey's posakes, Moshra Binu comes down the mountain, he sees Klali Starl dancing around a golden calf. He sees the egel umcholos. The pasa continues, he sees the dancing. Picking up on the word umcholos and the dancing. Says the Seferno Kishira. Shahayus Temechem Bekilkul Shao. Ubiza His Katzef Vinno Ash Yukalatirkun Hamamois Ba Oifan Chi Yaksarulam Musam. When he saw their dancing a kizatska, their dancing of a hora around the sin that they were engaging in, rejoicing over the damage that they had caused to themselves, then Moshe despaired.

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You exult in the performing of your evil?

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Teshuva is hopeless. And you're no longer fit to receive the Luchos without some sort of punishment. Since the beginning of time, people have struggled with sin. But it's only now that it's become fashionable to take pride in the sin.

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That we've never seen before.

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It's not just pride with same-gender marriages. I don't have any friends who engage in such forbidden acts. It's not normal in the Orthodox community. But you can sense if you're honest with yourself. accepting or maybe something's cool or someone's prideful in something that is, well, a little bit not in the ways of Hashem. I remember growing up that it's the cool kids. It's cool not to try. You know, in America, it's kind of cool sometimes not to be the studious kid trying to pass the test. Sometimes it's cool that I don't care. That's kind of popular in America. It's fine, I don't care. I'll play video games in the basement. It's fine. Like, I just don't care. And they become prideful that no one can tell them anything to do. So the sense of total unhingedness, that I totally could care less about what anyone tells me, parents, or my deity, that becomes cool and people become prideful in it. I don't care that I miss the early chakras and I sleep until nine.

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I don't care. It's not for me. I'm good. But the pride in it, that's the problem.

Kosher Tech And The Risk Of Hekhsher

The Long Game Of Slow Growth

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The Gemar tells us that we should have a starkly different approach to sin. If you sin in privacy, you're pushing back the feet of the divine presence. But I have a Gemara that says that if a person sees that his inclination is overcoming him, you know what you should do? You should hide and go into a private place. That's what you should do. The Gemara says, Yaliklamokam Shin Makirnoso. If you feel that you're overcoming with sin, the Atsahar has got you, go to a place where you're totally unknown. Totally wear black, wrap yourself in black in a manner that you look like a mourner. So you should become so ashamed of your weaknesses and then hide if you do the avera. So it's a contradiction. Should you hide? On one hand, the Gemara says you're pushing back the feet of Hashem Shinah if you're doing a sin in private. On the other hand, we have that if a person's overcome with taiva, he should run away to a private place. The Gemara answers. Lokasha. Hodamatzikaifliitzre. One is when you're capable of overcoming your Yetsahara. And one is when it's impossible. The low Matsikaif Lyitzra, you just can't overcome. Then you have to do it in privacy. You can't be Machal Shem Shemayim and do this openly. And then Mephorshim, they explain. Of course, it's never okay to just sin privately. Oh, and say to yourself, I can't handle it. What the Gemara means to say here is that this is the Aitza. Toys points out, this is the Aitza, the help that you need sometimes to be able to clothe yourself in black and become a mourner that will help to cool you off, to be able to sense that what you're doing isn't right and catch yourself to pop out of the sin. This is all Aitza on how not to sin. But what I want to point out from the Gemaran Hagiga is that the mindset towards sin is not one of pride, but it's the opposite that one should cloak himself. And black and hide because he should be so embarrassed. He's like a mourner. He's heartbroken that he has to break the will of the creator of the world. I'm pathetic, he thinks. I can't overcome. So here I am, dressed like a someone who's lost a loved one. Unkept. In total blackness. That's what somebody who engages Haswashalom in his sin should be his mindset. Lost. Sad. Broken. Not prideful. He wouldn't march around championing his sin. It was totally controversial when my Roshiva said this. But it was a point of MS that stuck with me to this day. It was about 10 years ago when they had the entire Asifa to have kosher phones and kosher technology to prevent people from having totally open internet access to bring some inappropriate things into the Jewish world. We needed to have fences and guards. But my Rosh Hashiva Rab Nussin Stein, the righteous one, the pious one. He once spoke out even against tag. Right at the beginning. When not everybody had technology, he said, I'm not so sure that tag is a good thing. Because you're putting an OU on something that really isn't. It's going to allow people, they're going to feel good about themselves that they've tagged it, and then they're still going to continue their distracted ways, their unfocused ways. It would be better, he remarked. If the person should understand that it's wrong, and even though he struggles with it, he may go down a dark hole, but he'll pop out of it eventually because he doesn't take pride in the sin or even OU it or okay it. There's nofkeh, there's no hekshar on it. So he'll eventually come back to the path of goodness. Because he doesn't take pride in the kilkel sha'asu. He doesn't dance around the egalazov. Now the Rosh Shiva has since changed his Hashkaf. I've heard from him because we just need tag because the world requires technology to a certain extent. And every person should ask their own rov about it. But there's a certain amount of protection that we need. And the tag movement is definitely necessary. The point that we need to take is that we all have kilko. We all struggle with normal human impulses. Whether it be kinna, taiva, or covid, jealousy, lust, or honor seeking. Our egos. These are normal human drives. What is the human response?

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It is that these are wrong.

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But I recognize that this is a normal human drive, and I can't just cold turkey shut it off. It's a constant push. So you know what? I zoom out. You know what the Torah wants from you? To zoom out and to play the long game. That I'm constantly working towards, towards overcoming. I'm constantly studying in the realms of what's for me is for me and what my friends have is theirs. I'm constantly engrossing myself in more Torah and cutting out the stimuli and blocking out and filtering out all of the things that promote lust. I'm constantly stepping on all of the honor-seeking and ego-inducing types of actions. I'm slowly working on it, and I may fall once a week, once a day, once a month, once a year. I may continue to fall, but I'll never permit it and never dare take pride in the kilkol Sha'Su. That's how personal growth and steiging is done. It's an incremental process. You need to not judge yourself hourly or daily. One needs to acknowledge that wrongdoing does come because you're a human. But you need to take sincere, honest, slow, incremental steps forward. More Torah, less inducing stimuli towards sin, more self-control. The path forward is not perfection, but it is a balanced, gradual, slow process of improvement that never deifies sin or takes pride in it. You should never take pride in the transgression.

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You say, I'll never justify any sin as divinely sanctioned or seek acceptance for it.

Closing Takeaways On Discipline

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Should be embarrassed and hide in rags, but we can't quit our sins cold turkey. So we need to embrace humility. You need to know that you're human and you need to slowly work on small things, more self-control, more Talmudora, more honesty with yourself and your family, and take incremental steps forward. This helps you to not dance around a golden calf of sin or take pride in it. You're not somayach, but it helps you to remain a normal Jew who's commanded to do things that sometimes they're hard. And it's a process, and it's a gradual and healthy and normal and mentally grounded proceeding forward of advancing towards God in a normal human way. But you're not Samach, but Kilkel Sha'asa. You recognize it's still kilkel, but you're just mature enough to know that it's a process. That's this week's podcast. The discipline is done by slow, honest steps forward with a recognition that it will never be okay. I will never take pride in a sin. But I know that I can't just quit it in one second, and it must be a process of honesty, and it's more Torah and less sin and cutting the stimuli and getting help and being true and divining hard, and it's a process. As long as the sin still has its kilkle, we still recognize that it's not okay. We still have a chance to recover from it. And the future, for us that are continuing the fight and are motivated and ready to keep on moving forward no matter what, no matter the falls, no matter the setbacks, no matter the accidental sins, no matter the overcome with lust or kinna or covet seeking, for us, our future is paved with freedom and liberty and happiness and coming close to Hashem.