June 20, 2022

No problem! Thank you!

No problem! It was no big deal! The proper response to a favor may not be what you think.

  • How to respond to favors
  • Fascinating psychological assessment 


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Transcript

What if I told you that you've been doing it completely wrong all this time. The way that you respond to people after you do something nice for them, is completely incorrect. "Baha'aloscha el haneiros" tells us that Hashem gave us a mitzvah to light the Menorah. Rashi tells us that the wicks faced inward and not outward because it was not for the sake of light, but rather, the wicks echo the fact that it's specifically for the mitzvah, therefore they face inward. The Medrash in Bamidbar Rabba tells us that the commandment of lighting the menorah was to repay the favor that Hashem did for us. What favor was that? That Hashem had an Amud Ha'aish, a pillar of fire lighting the way throughout the desert. And now that we got to the Bais Hamikdash, or the Mishkan as we have now. Now that we have a place to repay Him, Hashem wanted us to repay the favor. Reb Yerucham Levoitz tells us that if you think about it deeply, when you do something nice for somebody, and they tell you two simple words, oh, thank you. And we respond with a don't worry about it or a no problem. What you're really doing is keeping that person indebted to you. Because they really have a debt, because you've done something for them. And now they're trying to alleviate a little bit of that debt. And you're saying, Oh, no problem, don't worry about it. You're not allowing them to give you this insignificant, miniscule payment in return. Rather, we see from this mitzvah of the menorah, the middah of Hashem is to let people pay you back. Keeping them indebted, saying no problem is gaaveh, is keeping yourself on top. But allowing someone to say thank you and accepting the thank you. Yes, I schlepped your dead yak across the Atlantic Ocean to deliver it to your sister in Israel. It had its ups and downs, but I'm happy I could do it for you. That might be the proper way to respond to people.